Riding the Waves

We all crave peace. We love those moments where we feel totally ‘at one’ and at ease. We breathe deep, stretch widely, and let out a contented ‘sigh’. Lovely. 

Why cant all moments be like this?

Realistically, often our emotions are the exact opposite and its hard to know how to deal with them especially when they build up over time and you reach ‘explosion’ point (either internally or externally) and ‘Zen’ becomes a laughable term. EEK!

I recently came across some advise about dealing with that ‘wave’ which can rise magnificently and powerfully in a spilt second when someone or something annoys you. Similarly, this would also apply to anxiety or any type of DISTRESS.... Like a match to a flame it brightly ignites in a split second, often overwhelmingly or shockingly so! It takes you by surprise and you (or I) fall in that time old honored fashion of riding it, and fueling it further with words and thoughts.

We can so easily go on an internal justifiable rant of why we are ‘upset/irritated’ and why we are ‘right’!  But, (annoyingly) I can no longer seem to ignore that uncomfortable niggly feeling which accompanies it. That ‘niggle’ makes me rant further, wanting more and more self justification. Argh, self-perpeptuating circle anyone?

“I am right to be upset because.....” 

(Blah, blah, blah.)

“They shouldn’t have said that to me...”

(Blah, blah, blah.)

Eventually the wave passes and all I feel is guilt and a good measure of unease and self depreciation. Sound familiar? ..... The doubt creeps in.... 

“Maybe I was wrong after all.....”

(Blah, blah, blah.)

That kind of thing. Wow, it takes up a lot of energy and time!

The advise I came across was fascinating but like much of what I read, I can appreciate the wisdom and the truth in my serene moments, but it doesn't always practically hit home in the more challenging times.

Heres how this was different for me, and maybe it can be for you too;

When perhaps a loved one upsets you and that wave hits you, try to ‘FEEL’ it and “WATCH’ it. 

Become it almost. 

Experience the power of the EMOTION that you are feeling. And here’s the key - recognise that it is the EMOTION you experience which is so painful, and not necessarily the words or the argument itself. They are just the trigger. Acknowledge that this emotion is your own crazy creation.

Literally remove yourself from the force of the words, the intent, the argument and fully comprehend and understand that you are not reacting to those, but that you are objecting to the FEELING (the wave) that has exploded within you. The catalyst has created a un-proportional monster. 

Stand back and go inside and stay with it. It’s not nice. You want to run. It feels like a tidal wave, a tsunami! Its more than just uncomfortable! The powerful urge is to let the voices in your head take over. To let them win and be on your side. To let the storm rage.

DONT!

Try with all your might to let these thoughts and voices dissolve.  Like wisps of angry grey air that gradually disappear. Stay present with that terrible emotion, those endless crashing dark waves.

And do you know what happens?....

The waves start to diminish and then they stop. Literally like a storm in the ocean they suddenly burn themselves out and peace is simply and calmly restored. Most often the initial trigger suddenly seems unimportant and irrelevant. You can deal with it or choose to just let it go. But at this point you are only dealing with the issue in hand, rather than a swell of unrelated emotional baggage which you have subconsciously been holding onto.

I experienced this and I cannot tell you how powerful it is. Once the waves had passed and the emotion had gone, the response to the catalyst itself was trivial. And laughable. Really! And it all took about 2 minutes from start to end! :-)

Realising that I was reacting to emotion rather than words was incredible. In that instant I knew I had a choice. I always have a choice. The old proverb is true; Word’s really don’t hurt you. And certainly not as much as you hurt yourself. Feeding the waves just fuels their anger. And above all it still leaves you uneasy once the passion has dissipated. Watching the waves and feeling them simply dissolves them.  

I’ll leave you with another old proverb: 'Practice is said to make perfect!' ;-)

C xxx

P.S I need to remind myself constantly of all that I learn and I definitely don’t always follow all my advice. I wish!... In fact I write in order to remind myself to practice and grow. .... It can be hard work and Im only human ;-)